the calling of London Town
18.09.2009 15 °C
My nights at the hostel came to an end today so my plan was simple and down to the wire. I was going to park all my stuff (three bags) at Bee-man and then head to london for a few days, a rest I think, since it only costs 5 to get there I thought why not.
Leaving Brighton was a little stupid the weather was really nice and I wanted to strip and head into the water, it looked so nice but instead I sat there drinking water looking at all the people having fun - Fame is still on my mind, not sure why that film is making me so sad, not sure I could go and see it, but will am sure give it a go.
I got into London about 8ish, weather still holding its own and I made my way to the G part of town. Think I have a issue to pick not sure why peoples problem is but my god look at me, am amazing, something rather special and though I was dumped I don't see that as being an reason why people should be unwilling to bed me - am not a whore though.
But as I was standing there at the bar I couldn't help but take potshots at others who seemed to be 'happy' and in relationships. Fuckers, I mean some of them, really? Am still sore with this and will be for a long time, didn't think that it would really be as hard as this, but it has been and I know that some of this was me but when you also get the feeling that you wern't liked then it gets to you, don't think anytime soon ill be finding myself in a relationship.
After being mega rejected at the bar I went for a walk and bought a coffee, costa, was vile, should have stuck to drinking from toilets. After that I just pottered around, got my second wind about 2-3am then headed to st p and fell asleep, no one seemed to mind much.
Heading back to Brighton in the morning, well late atternoon, am in work on Monday and have to check what time am in, think its 9.30. Am in two minds over the B, I think I have made things out to be bigger and better than they are in reality and I guess this is down to the fact that we don't really know eachother. Do you think I expect to much of people? I see it as being treated the way I would want to be treated or treating someone the way I would, either way in my head it makes sense. I don't know though, it's hard for me to think about this in a clear mind, simple really...I have moved there and know nobody yet the B monster has only seen me once and that was a fluke, there has been no drinks, movies, or meals, nothing and you know how I get, I can't text or email or call as the greater fear of rejection is to much for me to handle.
Am tired of all this and have to make sure that I don't slip in the the cast of blah...though Fame wont help. Spoke to C to day and he seemed happy though stressed, wish I had money would make him my staff.