It's all good when it's bad
Well I told you I would be gone by now and though I am not actually gone I will be in less than a few hours (ok 8pm, but you get what am trying to say).
Have had quite a few eventful days, though this weekend has been a little harder for me to deal with than I would have thouht. For some reason I wanted it to go slower, but why? All I have done is walk about and buy vitimins and watch television, do you miss these things when your away, what will I miss from TV, the only part realy about being ill is you get to catch up on all the TV you missed.
Met up with H in Newcastle, had a few drinks at the forth, was really nice to see him and to rant - I have to stop the rants, though they are a beloved part of who I am I think that it is time to let them go and to be positive N - do I want to be saved? I've always know how great a friend H is and I only wish I was more 'normal' to be able to embrace his friendship but I guess I just push people further apart.
H and C came down to London on Saturday we met up again went into Abercrombie and Fitch and felt rather fat and ugly, they are too nice in there, then went and watched a midget (dwarf) dance till it got boring and people started throwing fruit - would have been funnier if they had.
So now it's Monday. Last night J and I went for a rather long walk, think he had more questions than he asked but not really sure where he was heading with them. the truth is this adventure could fail and the worst thing that can happen is I am emailing people begging for money so I can get back to the UK with my tail between my legs (for those of you who know me know I'd never asked for money - unless its to buy Vantage Point H!). Though part of me is looking at the doom and gloom...or more a way out of the rut or a pathetic life, cue music.
Aim is to pass this test or die trying, at least then I will know that I tried another dream and woke to a nightmare and may be that's the problem, J was saying that I have to much passion and give to much of myself and when I hit a walk I hit it full on, this is true. Though I think the passion is more a desparation and fear of having what I have become comfortable with taken away. Not having any stability makes you so shaky that - wait, am a I loser?
Am sad, I think I have failed and have screwed up three very good friendships, is there a chance to be normal, what do I get to sell.
Not sure about keeping this updated on the road, but it should be ok.
Catch you in France